Acceptance
by Thota Srinivas
Imagine those days when you were a
child in kindergarten. You would always come to your parents to share things you
saw or did or experienced or learnt at school. Do you remember how your parent
reacted irrespective of whether you did something good or bad? They probably
have given a broad smile and hugged you kissing you all over.
Now when you grew up into an adult your
parents would be running back of you to let you share things at school or
college. Because most of the times they are scared or expect their children do
something bad.
If you were a parent, do you think
your child would share everything? Probably, ‘No’…But why? Let’s analyze this.
Imagine your adult child comes home
and says that he bunked the classes and went to watch a movie. How would you
react? Obviously we would shout and scold and abuse and punish and scare him or
her.
Gradually you find the same child not
saying such things to you and you are of the opinion that he stopped doing such
things…….but the fact is he didn’t stop doing such things….he stopped sharing
such things with you.
He stopped sharing things with you because
he didn’t feel comfortable as you didn’t give him any positive vibrations. He
didn’t feel protected or secured. He might have expected a solution or wanted
to know if it is good or bad. And instead of giving this confirmation, we scare
the children with our aggressive and reactive behavior.
We are not ready to accept the truth.
Instead, we criticize the child, we scold, we abuse and punish the child .We do
what not to drain away the energy of the child scaring and preventing him from
coming and sharing things with us. And surely he will not let anything out the
next time even if things go bad or serious.
And when things go beyond our control
we regret…thinking,” OH, I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MY CHILD….I should have given a
chance for explanation…I should have given him an assurance that things would
be fine..”
Parents are the only comfortable zone
to the children with whom they can share all their secrets and actions. But are
we giving those positive vibrations to our children to let them come and share
what they experience…..surprisingly ….Not most of us do.
Many deplorable things are happening
around us….in the society…with the children….in school…within our family or
neighbourhood- most of which are beyond our control. No matter how carefully we
bring up our children, once they move out to school, they are open to harm or
danger.
And in these circumstances, the only
way to protect the child is to let him feel comfortable enough to come to us
and share the things which are the signs of approaching harm or danger.
It is because a counselor or a friend
listens with patience and accepts his actions thereby giving him or her hope
for a better outcome. He is not judgmental. Just imagine your friend’s child
approaching you and sharing his mistake. Do you scold him…No…you try to say…’IT’S
OK’ You give him an assurance that things are going to be fine. But do we do
the same thing in the case of our child?
Just imagine your child getting physically injured while running. What is that you do immediately? Do you scold him? It would be like beating on the same injury repeatedly. Instead, you lift him up saying, ‘You will be fine’ Then you give him first aid and later you advise him not to run but walk carefully. Is it probable that the child is going to follow your instructions? Certainly…when you say it with such patience, understanding, concern and support, the child tends to listen to you. The worse the wound, the better the treatment….the more serious the mistake, the more love, support and acceptance the child needs.